Certified Humor — We Checked

Vol. 0926 · The Spooky-Ookie Issue

Your innermonologue,now in cotton.

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Smart, sarcastic shirts — Putting your inside thoughts on the outside

#VerifiedFunny — real people, real designs

Worn in the wild, and verified funny.

This year is like being awake during surgery.I'm not saying no. I'm just never saying yes.5 things I wanna do when I go out: #1 Go home.If only you had access to my premium personality.I'm fine as long as I'm constantly distracted.I'm an isolationship person.I say “never again,” but then I again again.Overthinking should at least burn calories.There's always something I want to buy or eat.This year is like being awake during surgery.I'm not saying no. I'm just never saying yes.5 things I wanna do when I go out: #1 Go home.If only you had access to my premium personality.I'm fine as long as I'm constantly distracted.I'm an isolationship person.I say “never again,” but then I again again.Overthinking should at least burn calories.There's always something I want to buy or eat.

If you're dead inside … go outside.I need a leaf blower, but for people.I'm not avoiding you. Okay, that's a lie.I have people skills. People are the problem.Sure, I'll help. Next time.I'm not for everyone. I've met everyone.I'm listening. I still prefer my version.I support your decision to leave me out of it.I'm available for plans that get canceled.If you're dead inside … go outside.I need a leaf blower, but for people.I'm not avoiding you. Okay, that's a lie.I have people skills. People are the problem.Sure, I'll help. Next time.I'm not for everyone. I've met everyone.I'm listening. I still prefer my version.I support your decision to leave me out of it.I'm available for plans that get canceled.

This week's drop

Featured · Drops weekly

BOO!

BRAD

from~~$35~~$28

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Worst date ever? Win $500He's one of nine cursed Spark bachelors.

The Catalog

Wearable punchlines

Gift sets · group orders

Buy 2+ · free shipping

Buy 3+ · 15% off

Buy 5+ · 20% off

Tees, sweatshirts, any mix

Everyday humor and the America @ 250 collection, all in one place. Halloween has its own haunted wing — look for the orange boxes.

I'll Be Watching You

For People Who've Never Eaten Alone

from~~$35~~$28

Navy

We The People Need a Nap

America Is 250

from~~$35~~$28

White

That's a HORRIBLE Idea

The Worst Ideas Make the Best Stories

from~~$35~~$28

Military Green

My Wife Says I Have Two Faults

If She's Told You Once

from~~$35~~$28

Dark Heather

Not Today Satan

Perfect When Your Halo Needs a Personal Day

from~~$35~~$28

Dark Heather

FREEDOM.EXE still installing...

A Verified Funny original.

from~~$35~~$28

Heather Red

Seasonal drop · 52 designs

The Halloween Collection

Straight from the twisted laboratory of Verified Funny: Halloween gear for people who prefer their comedy with a side of psychological horror.

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University of Cryptkeeping's GARGOYLES — Sweatshirt

University of Cryptkeeping & Mortuary Science

I Have Selective Thinking...

When You're Officially Out of Listening Capacity

from~~$35~~$28

Cardinal Red

I Paused My Game For This

Real Life Can Have Terrible Timing

from~~$35~~$28

Black

Another Day Squashed

Wear Your Exhaustion Like a Badge of Honor

from~~$35~~$28

Navy

2026: Still Workshopping It

1776

from~~$35~~$28

Sport Grey

Highway to Hell, but Only a Stairway To Heaven

A Verified Funny original.

from~~$35~~$28

Navy

Before Compliance Was a Thing

AMERICA: 250 YEARS AGO

from~~$35~~$28

White

Seasonal drop · 52 designs

The Halloween Collection

We let the demented minds out of the basement just long enough to design our new Halloween collection. You're welcome (and we're sorry).

Shop the Halloween Collection

View all 40 designs

Gift sets · any 3 shirts

Buy 3+.
Cry zero.

Put any three shirts in your bag — tees, sweatshirts, whatever mix your questionable taste demands — and 15% falls off the whole order. Shipping's on us. Five or more and it's 20%. No code, no menu, no small talk. Three sets below, in case decisions aren't your thing either.

3 T-Shirts

The Terrifying Trio

~~$84~~$71.40

OSHA Sr. Cauldron Safety Inspector — Sweatshirt

3 Sweatshirts

The Cozy Coven

~~$153~~$130.05

Mix & Match

The Mixed Bag

~~$130~~$110.50

Steal a gift set idea

A humor brand with standards.

Three rules we refuse to break

Smart, not on-the-nose

Observational, a little subversive, never mean-spirited. If a joke could live on a "World's Okayest" mug, it doesn't make the cut here.

For the over-it professionals

Designs that poke fun at work, culture, relationships, and the slow-motion trainwreck we're all navigating together. Your side-eye, made wearable.

Printed only when wanted

Print-on-demand on heavyweight, softened cotton — no warehouse graveyard, just original designs made the moment you order.

Limited · 4th of July

America @ 250

A semiquincentennial roast — founding-father energy, questionable patriotic decisions, and 250 years of still workshopping it. Its own collection, kept separate from the everyday designs.

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The Official Uniform of Questionable Patriotic Decisions

Land of the Free and Home of Customer Feedback Since 1776 - Can I speak to the manager?

Your innermonologue,now in cotton.

Worn in the wild, and verified funny.

BOO!

Wearable punchlines

The Halloween Collection

The Halloween Collection

Buy 3+.Cry zero.

The Terrifying Trio

The Cozy Coven

The Mixed Bag

A humor brand with standards.

Smart, not on-the-nose

For the over-it professionals

Printed only when wanted

America @ 250

Buy 3+.
Cry zero.